- The star or stars of the adverts are always female, always slim, and always
doing active sports. They are always bending over and showing how happy they
are.
- All actresses in adverts are laughing a lot. Perhaps when they walk around
something tickles.
- The backing music is dominated by some woman going
"Wooooaaaaiiiiaaaooooh ... for yoooooooouuuu".
- The narrator (or anyone else in the advert) never actually say what
it is they're selling.
- However, whattever it is, it is now ultra-comfy/thinner than ever/ with a
longer string. (Delete as applicable)
- In those 'interview' adverts, they're always sat at a table, with patio
doors behind them.
- All interviewed women claim they have a much more active social life as a
result of 'moving over' to this new brand; as if wearing slabs of cotton wool
down their pants makes them more attractive to the opposite sex.
- When the computer graphics appear, the drops of liquid which drop onto the
surfboard-with-wings are blue, thereby implying that the people who make
these ads are some sort of mutant, something which we've all known for quite
some time.
- They always claim that their product holds more than other brands.
What does that mean?
- They claim it instills confidence. To me this implies that psychologists
are rapidly being replaced with the notion of using sanitary towels as security
blankets. Which means that if Linus from Peanuts ever grew up to
be a transvestite ...