Stuart Raithby

Stuart Raithby was the result of secret government research involving growth hormones. Unfortunatly, due to one of the biologists being a complete pillock, the experiment backfired and their creation grew outwards instead of upwards.

Instead of the normal lab practice of growing specimens in petri dishes Stuart just sort of grew out of the crap at the bottom of an unwashed pint glass. The behavior and appearance of Stuart can be attributed to the bright idea of one of the technicians to use Guinness as a food supplement.

As a young child, Stuart was fed on a diet of mars bars and lard and watered daily, even though he is not a plant. At the tender age of 14, he was given his first brain. Since then, Stuart has been through 15 brains of varying sizes, and is currently using one based on Intel's 8088 microprocessor. It is unfortunate only stupid brains are available, intelligent brains are found to be quite rare. After years of intense research as to why this is true the answer was found to be that only stupid people say "yes!" when asked to donate their brain by a man carrying a large pick axe, and a jar of pickling vinegar.

Stuart is now secretly working as a "Mystery Drinker" for a well known brewery under the guise of being a normal Aston University student. He is trying to raise his quota from the current rate of 5 pints per pub per night to a rate he is more at home with.

Likes : Guinness, Murphy's, Beamish, other Stouts and Ales. Choc Hob Nobs. Food in general.

Dislikes : Lager Shandy, and those who drink it! Oh, and Apple Macs, and Maths lecturers.

Most commonly used phrase : "Is there a speech therapist in the house?"