You are just one of the Ummm... About 8 billion... damned souls who have entered, never to return...

WARNING : This magazine contains scenes of sordid and steamy sex, as well as graphic descriptions of mindless violence. It tackles subjects which you would certainly not talk about in front of granny. This magazine is the only one to carry a warning label, but is not related to an alt.sex newsgroup.

(This magazine is dedicated to my dear old Grandmother, who helped me with some of the spelling and HTML command syntax.)

WELCOME, to the very first issue of Blasphemous Scribblingz, a sophisticated and intelligent magazine which shows wit, modern art, and how to thrash deliberate misspelling to death. May reading this magazine appeal to you slightly more than being poked in the eye with a sharp stick ("bring on that example GIF please, Carol").

This is not a serious magazine. Not at all. In fact, you'd be amazed on how much of this magazine is complete balderdash. (No, actually, you probably won't.) We could take a leaf out of other disk-magazines and write long and serious reviews of hardware and software, our opinions of Bill Gates, etcetera, but we aren't going to. This isn't because we don't approve of people doing it; it's simply because we cannot be arsed... Well, it'd mean we have to start buying proper software, and being polite. And you can stuff that idea, duckie.

So what is the purpose of this magazine? Well, none really. We've written one or two supposedly funny things, and we thought we'd collect them together, and distribute them for the masses. And if we manage to spread a little happiness, to make your life a bit more bearable, or to add a bit more colour to a grey and weary day, then surely that is purpose enough?

And remember, kids : Don't try any of the activities outlined here at home. Not only will they irritate the neighbours and attract the local press, but people who chuck themselves into orbit in a home-made space capsule are bloody difficult to get down again (just ask your local fire department). You have been warned.

"The Art of Noise suddenly realised... that waking in the middle of a dream, even the worst, one feels disappointed, even cheated of the best in life."

- (Who's afraid of) The Art of Noise

Click here to proceed to the Index.....

The Authors

Yes, we think these people are so important we have dedicated a whole 0.002% of the webpage to them. Either click on them for an individual profile or fondle this for an overview of the kind of illiterate reprobates it takes to spew forth twaddle like this.